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---------------------Nanny Net
News------------------------ >12 Habits of a Highly Effective Mom by Mia Cronan >Quest
for Toddler Control Well, I’m back from The conference was well worth the
trip. The highlight of my conference
experience was the seminar put I
started using sign with my son when he was about 8 months old. Think about it, we teach our babies
the “so big” game and “shhh” with the finger to the lips way
before they can talk. These
are just variations of sign language.
And just so you Finally, we’ve got two great
articles, one for the moms (although I think nannies will benefit as
well) and one for anyone facing the toddler years with fear and
trepidation in Here’s to a safe and happy 4th, Enter
here: http://4nanny.com/Sweepstakes.htm 12
Habits of a Highly Effective Mom by Mia Cronan Over the few years that I have
spent as a mother, I’ve tried hard to listen carefully to this new
group of peers, in addition to reading books on the topic of good
mothering. In that time, I’ve been able to identify what I feel is
truly important when blessed with the task of raising children and
preparing them for the world. Much like, when in the workforce, we use
our peers viewpoints of doing business to determine where we fall on the
spectrum and decide thusly how we can proceed effectively, we do the
same in parenting. Here you will find twelve areas that you may be able
to relate to and mull over in determining what is important to you as a
mother. 1. Praise positive behavior.... There have been times when I have
crawled into bed at night thinking that my day had been full of nothing
but negative exchanges with my children. That s a daunting feeling, and
it always leaves me swearing that I will not say anything critical or
less than positive the next day, for fear of leaving them feeling less
than good about themselves, in turn. But the truth is, there will be
times when, in an effort to make the most of our children, we let them
know how and where they fall short. It cannot be avoided. In light of
that, the old saying, “Catch your kids doing something right,” is so
important here. It’s easy to say, “I really don’t like how you
slammed that door,” but it takes a little more work to say, “I
really liked the way you just shared with your sister.” That kind of
immediate observation goes a long way toward promoting positive
behavior. Your children will want to repeat it as soon as they can. And
it will certainly feel better to you to say those kinds of good things! 2. Find time for yourself --
spiritually, physically, and emotionally... How many times have we said that
there’s just not enough time in a day? Far too often in my case. But,
if you budget your time, and I’m learning how to do that, there is
always 30 minutes somewhere in a day to do a little something for
yourself. Moms quite often get so caught up in doing for everyone else
and feeling totally indispensable, that there is the underlying
assumption that there’s no time left for Mom. If you are able to set
aside that 30 minutes, you can identify something that really does
something for your spirit, whether it s praying, reading a book, doing
some stretching exercises, or calling a friend. So many moms say that it
makes them a better mother when they are able to nurture the nurturer a
little. Otherwise, how can you give when there’s nothing left of you
to give? Along these same lines, it is equally important that you
develop a network of moms who are also at home with their children. Who
better can we share our joys and frustrations with than other moms who
face the same challenges day to day that we do? This can oftentimes be
done through the local community, your church, or you could even start
one! 3. When the going
gets tough, step away from it all Rather than blowing your stack when
things hit a little too close to a nerve, try to step away for the
moment to collect yourself. Even it means leaving a bowl of spilled
cereal and milk on the floor for five minutes while you close your eyes
and put it all in perspective. How tragic is it? How hard is it to clean
up? It s probably not as bad as it seems at the moment, even though
company is coming in ten minutes and you just mopped the floor, right?
If you are able to distance yourself for a brief time, you will
undoubtedly respond to the incident, rather than react to it -- big
difference! 4. Stay in synch with your husband,
and speak only with respect to and about each other... As we all know, having children
adds a new and wonderful dimension to the world of matrimony. There are
times when our backgrounds, our priorities, our beliefs, or our own
rearing will dictate that we feel differently from each other about
certain parenting issues. What is the most important thing to consider
when making decisions together that involve your children? Show unity.
Even if you have to take turns backing off at times, for the most part a
little work will allow you to compromise and grow stronger together as a
result. And, your children will see a united front, which has got to be
more important than the outcome of any one decision vs. another. The
united front will demonstrate to your children your respect for each
other and your desire to give them a solid foundation on which to build
their own values and character. We’ve all heard the expression stable
home-life. I believe this one point to be a vertebra in the backbone of
that phrase. 5. Make special time for your
children... As in item 1, we can always budget
a little time for the important things in life. Right now, as a
stay-at-home or work-at-home parent, the important thing is your kids,
right? I’m always amazed at how much my children respond to me when
I’ve taken an hour to read to them or play Candy Land with them or
push them on the swing set, offering 100% of my attention to them for
that hour. They need it, and it shows in their behavior. When they act
up and get obnoxious, all I have to do is ask myself, How much direct
time have I spent with them today? Sometimes the answer to that question
answers the question about why they re acting up! The time I’m talking
about is above and beyond the usual preparing lunch for them, wiping
their faces, helping them pick up their toys, and bathing them. I mean,
direct contact doing something fun and maybe even educational. 6. Keep current with the news... Have you ever gone to a social
gathering without your children and felt at a loss for conversation
because the things you deal with day to day are far removed from the
working world and the things with which childless people deal? It can be
uncomfortable, to say the least. That’s why it is so important to be
able to keep abreast of current events on a regular basis so that you
can form intelligent opinions and be able to offer stimulating
conversation to others.... even if it s just your husband at times! He
probably gets to listen to the news everyday on his way to the office.
Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to talk to him about worldly events
over dinner rather than the number of times you caught your toddler
trying to tickle the goldfish today? In addition to allowing you to talk
to other adults, it affords you a little self-respect, rather than
self-depreciating thoughts about your being removed from the world. 7. Speak to your children on a
level slightly higher than their own... Do this, and your children will be
gently coerced into pulling their own vocabularies along. Baby talk
sounds cute, and children do respond to it, but do they learn from it?
Not at all. Language skills are being developed at warp speed right now,
and allowing your children to challenge themselves with context clues
(remember that phrase?) right now is a great way to prepare them for
school. If spoken to intelligently, your child will be at a much greater
advantage than the child who is spoken down to or with the use of baby
talk. When discussing baby talk, I also refer to using the same
incorrect pronunciations back to them that your children use to you, no
matter how cute they are. 8. Remember the good things your
mom did, and do them... It’s funny how the little things
in life don t take on much meaning until we experience them again as
adults. Take a little stroll down 9. Let your kids hear you say only
good things about others... Our children mirror our behavior,
right? And it only makes sense that they do. We are their first role
models, so we better be good ones! If all they hear is us being kind and
charitable when discussing others, it stands to reason that they will do
the same. Additionally, it puts us in the healthy practice of saying
only kind things about others, which is a virtuous habit to perpetuate
anyway, around children or not! If all our children hear is negative
criticism, they will adopt the notion that we are here to act as judge
and jury over the actions of others rather than seeing the good in those
around us. 10. Read to your kids daily... What a great way to stimulate the
mind and whet the appetite for learning and reading, than to read to
your children on a daily basis. Studies strongly show that children to
whom books are read daily have a much more avid desire to read
successfully themselves and are more likely to read for pleasure as they
get older. When they can hear and learn the words that go along with the
pictures that they see concurrently, the stories come to life and allow
their imaginations to soar. Better than that, though, it means special
time for you and your kids, whether after breakfast or right before
bedtime. Children need this kind of interaction with the special adults
in their lives! 11. Foster a hobby/interest or
two... If your child can see you making
time for a special activity, it is more likely that he or she will find
interest in a certain hobby or pastime, too. These types of things can
develop into lifelong talents, in addition to being enjoyable side
interests. However, that aside, a hobby for just you allows you some
time to pursue something that you enjoy and that stimulates your senses.
Don t we all need that periodically? It could be something as simple as
doing the daily crossword puzzle or tending to plants. Or, it can be
something more intense such as needlework or writing short stories. The
point is, do more for yourself than just what it takes to get you and
your family through the day! 12. Start early teaching your
kids... The following list represents but a
few of the things that some parents tend to put off until a rainy day.
And chances are, by that time, it s too late for the children to be able
to appropriately incorporate these behaviors into their repertoire of
good conduct and virtuous activities. This is something of a potpourri
of things for them to learn, but nonetheless, they should be taught, and
early. Prayer - Children should understand
that, as much as you love them, there is a God who loves them even more.
Prayer builds that relationship, and, if started early, can lead to a
life of spirituality that will guide them through the tough and the
great times. Money management - Just simple
talks at the grocery store about why you don t care to purchase certain
items can foster an early appreciation for money and how far it goes. Or
while your child is dropping coins in his piggy bank, you can explain
how money should be handled so that it s not wasted. Virtues/fables/parables; honesty,
integrity, character – Aesop’s Fables are a great way to introduce
children to the virtues in life. Bill Bennett also offers a book called,
The Book of Virtues, which offers great stories for kids on the less
tangible things in life that offer us value and give us character. Etiquette - Mealtime, respect for
adults, saying please and thank you and excuse me, manners, and writing
thank you notes.... Sadly, these are lost arts in some families. As
parents, we need to teach them early so that they are a built-in part of
our kids. To think of others feelings,
sometimes before our own - Here again, this is something that our
culture no longer promotes, unfortunately. We now live in a society,
which grossly supports getting all we want for ourselves, regardless how
it affects others. We can see it today in road rage alone, for example.
If the parents of the up-and-coming generation do we all we can to
reverse that, maybe we can turn our culture around and back to the days
when people had consideration for others, too. Physical activity and exercise -
Many children are encouraged to park themselves in front of a TV for
hours on end, because it s a convenient babysitter for the parents.
Granted, there are times, like the very long and cold days of winter,
when there simply isn’t anything else to do. Video and computer games
are another culprit! And we wonder why there are so many overweight,
slothful children out there! As a rule, there are much healthier ways
for kids to get entertainment. It takes some imagination on our part,
but it’s well worth the effort. And it will teach them to get active
and creative at an early age. Moderation - Here again, our
society is really into bigger and more is better. Not always! Not when
it teaches a child to be self-indulgent and possessive! And in some
places, those are the types of children that are out there today. One
day, our kids will be going to school with them, and they will be
exposed to that kind of thinking. And I believe it comes from the lazy
parents who will offer anything to their children to keep them out of
their hair or to keep them from making a scene. Typically, these same
parents don t care to do the work that goes along with raising kids. If
taught early that moderation is appropriate, it will become commonplace
for our children to limit the bad things that seem so good at the time,
but in reality are bad for them. We welcome feedback on all the
information we offer through our web site. Please send any comments you
may have to 12Habits@mainstreetmom.com
and thanks for your interest! Mia Cronan is a married full-time mother of four, ages 6, 5, 3,
and 7 months, living in
The appearance of temper tantrums
does not mean that a beautiful baby has turned into an unpleasant child.
In fact, tantrums are an inevitable part of growing up. As the toddler
leaves babyhood behind, he/she wants some control over his/her live and
wants to always call the shots. Since the 2 year old can walk and run,
his/her physical independence and natural curiosity frequently puts
him/her in places that are neither healthy nor safe. When parents
intervene to protect their child and say "no," the youngster
becomes angry and frustrated. Lacking the ability to express
himself/herself orally, the toddler displays their frustration by
dramatically throwing a temper tantrum. Admittedly, parents facing a
screaming and inconsolable child find it difficult to appreciate the
developmental reasons for temper tantrums. Are these episodes the result
of poor parenting, under disciplining or overindulging their child?
Should they follow the advice of well-meaning relatives and manage the
tantrum by spanking or throwing cold water on the toddler’s face? What
about trying to talk the child out of the episode? Temper tantrums come in all forms.
Some children just whine and cry, while others fling themselves on the
floor, kicking and screaming with their arms and legs flailing away.
More exotic variations of tantruming include head-banging,
breath-holding, biting or hitting anything and everything in their way. A variety of incidents result in
tantrums. These include minor trauma, wanting an object and not being
able to get it, becoming frustrated while attempting a difficult task,
being disciplined and not getting something they want. The child
accustomed to having his/her own way may react to a rare "no"
by losing control and having a temper tantrum. Sometimes it is possible to reduce
the frequency of tantrums by learning what situations trigger an
episode. For example, children are especially vulnerable to tantrums
when they are bored, hungry, tired, sick or overstimulated. Youngsters
facing inconsistency in discipline between parents, unreasonably high
expectations and marital unhappiness in the home are also more likely to
experience temper tantrums. Furthermore, toddlers are great imitators.
When a youngster sees his/her parents explode and lose control or scream
to get what they want, the toddler will also use similar behavior. There is no magic formula for
handling temper tantrums, but there are some general principles that are
important. Most experts warn parents not to let the outbursts become
"profitable" for the child. When parents bribe or give in to
their youngster’s demands, the child will have found an effective way
to get what he/she wants. Furthermore, parents who become angry in
response to a tantrum will only make things worse. Some parents become
so frustrated that they ridicule, shake or spank their child. Once the tantrum has started, it is
important for parents to remain calm. Becoming angry will only make an
already upset child even more distressed. Spanking, shaking or screaming
at a hysterical youngster only lowers the parents to the child’s
level. Remember, a parent cannot win an argument with their child by
acting like a child themselves. Instead, the best approach is either to
ignore or isolate the child. Leaving the tantruming child alone can be
very effective. No audience, no reason to act. If ignoring the youngster
is not possible (you’re on the phone or the baby brother is sleeping)
then isolate the child by using "timeout." At the onset of an
episode, pick up the tantruming child and take the youngster to a safe
place, such as a corner of the hall or the bedroom. Trying to reason
with a child while the episode is raging is ineffective and gives the
outburst more attention than it deserves. Lastly, parents should always
be careful to point out that it is the negative behavior they disapprove
of, not the child. When a tantrum occurs in a public
place, the basic principle is the same - remain calm and do not give in
to the child. Avoid pleading with the child to stop. Since timeout is
not possible, simply pick them up and carry them out of the store
quickly and quietly. Temper tantrums represent normal
childhood behavior and begin to decrease in frequency as the child
learns to deal with anger in a less tumultuous manner. Remember, a
toddler’s tantrum is not meant to annoy parents nor do these episodes
result from poor parenting. Temper tantrums are about testing
boundaries. If a child sees that the tantrum gets him/her nowhere,
he/she will eventually find more socially appropriate ways to express
displeasure. It takes much parental self-control
to remember the reasons for a child’s temper tantrum and then act in a
supportive yet firm manner. In addition, parents must also remember to
praise their youngster’s good behavior and reward them for being good
and controlling their temper. Loving parents who discipline their child
will help the youngster learn the self-control so necessary throughout
life. Additional information for parents can be obtained by asking for a
free brochure "Temper Tantrums: A Normal Part of Growing Up."
Send a self-addressed stamped envelope to the Article courtesy of Kidsgrowth.com ------------------------------------------------------------
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