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A newsletter for Parents, Nannies and Agency Owners
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Vol. 2, No. 4
March 2001
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Deborah Smith, Editor
Parents With Nannies, Inc.
Deborah@4EverythingNanny.com
This newsletter is distributed by subscription only. If you
wish to unsubscribe, you can find instructions at the end of
this newsletter.
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IN THIS ISSUE
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> A Note from the Editor
> March Sweepstakes
February's winner
> New Nanny Classifieds Affiliates
> An excerpt from ABC's of Hiring A Nanny
by Frances Anne Hernan
> Ask the Experts Q & A
How would you suggest disciplining a 2 year old?
Can I be sued for giving a bad reference?
> Must See Sites
>Great Deals
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A NOTE FROM THE EDITOR:
Hi everyone,
This month we are featuring a recently released handbook
called The ABC's of Hiring A Nanny. The author has generously
donated two copies of the book for our March Sweepstakes so
please don't forget to enter.
This 50+ page handbook covers all the information you will
need to "Find a nanny without losing your mind." The author
takes you through a needs assessment, interviewing and hiring
an agency, the independent search, contracts, job descriptions,
and work agreements. She even covers what to do if things don't
work out, what Federal Tax forms you need to acquire and determining
a salary.
The handbook comes with a companion CD which houses all
of the important forms and contracts you need for your search.
You will also want to check out her website at
http://www.abcnanny.com/. There you will find several
downloadable forms including a childcare references form
and a Medical Attention form.
Enjoy,
Deborah Smith
Editor
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FEBRUARY SWEEPSTAKES
The winner of the FREE Towel Buddy Prize Package
Sponsored by TowelBuddies.com is Cindy Skack of Minnesota.
Congratulations Cindy!
Someone from Towelbuddies.com will be contacting you to
arrange for the delivery of your prize.
MARCH SWEEPSTAKES
Enter to win a copy of THE ABC'S OF HIRING A NANNY.
ENTER NOW
http://www.4nanny.com/Sweepstakes.htm
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NEW AFFILIATES
We have 2 new affiliate joining the Nanny
Classifieds team this month. This now makes 12 different
websites where your ads can be viewed by prospective
employees and employers. If you have a favorite
website for nannies or parents that you think would
make a great NannyClassifieds affiliate, please email
me your suggestions so we can send them an invitation to join.
DOTCOMMOMMIES.com is a free work at home resource for
moms wanting to work at home or make some extra money.
Today, the internet makes it possible for more moms to
stay at home with the kids. There are work at home jobs,
business opportunities and much more. Visit
www.DotComMommies.com today and learn how to make extra
money at home.
COLUMBUSMOMS.COM: An online community for moms in the
Columbus Ohio area. Message boards, discussion groups,
and other great tools for connecting with parents in
the area.
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BOOK OF THE MONTH
The ABC's of Hiring a Nanny
by Frances Anne Hernan
BACKGROUND CHECK:
Checking references is not an afterthought. No matter how impressed
you are with the applicant - don't skip this step.
References are very important. How far you feel you need to go in
checking out your applicant must be decided before the interview.
Disclosure and reference forms are on the companion disk. Will you
hire a service for a fee investigator?
There are many things in an applicant's history that are as important
as the absence of a criminal record.
An applicant can have a clean driving record, and no criminal record
but possess many qualities that could prevent her from providing a
safe, stable environment for your children. Talking to personal
references can give you information about her character and personality.
If you get a bad or mixed reactions from personal references, don't proceed
with a hired background check to verify bad information. In the event
you get information she had a criminal record, report that information
to the authorities and to the placement agency. Add questions that
serve your special needs.
* How many references did you check?
* Do you recall any of the names of people you spoke to?
* Did you have written verification of phone references?
* Did you obtain phone verification of written references?
* Did the reference's assessment of the applicant live up to your
expectations?
* Is there anything you learned after the hire that was not consistent
with the information provided by references?
* Would this information have prevented you from hiring her?
* Did she get phone calls late at night?
* Does her long distance bill reflect long calls during duty time?
* Was she clean and well groomed?
* Has she performed her duties in such a way she can
train or leave helpful information to a new hire?
* How much time did you spend with her for orientation purposes?
* Did she adjust to your routine quickly?
* How long was it before she established herself and expanded her role?
* Are you confident she carried out your instructions?
* Did you have a written contract?
* Did you have a firm job description?
* Were there any difficulties with the nanny's personal use of the car?
* Did you have a curfew?
* Did she show respect for your personal property in her use?
* Was she always alert and ready for a new work week on
Monday morning?
* If she was an agency hire, is her replacement coming from
the same agency?
* Does this impact the reference you are giving to protect
your interest in securing a new nanny?
* Did she respect your privacy?
* Did homesickness play a major role in her demeanor?
Listen carefully to the responses of the reference, if the
reference gives you an opening jump on it. Once you have
made a decision to hire an applicant, create an employee
file folder with the following:
* Applications (your application and the agency application)
* W-4 Form
* I-9 Form and copies of verification documents
* Copy of Social Security Card
* Reference information, letters and notes of calls
* Certifications
* Disclosure forms, completed, signed and dated
* Copy of driver's license and motor vehicle report
* Payroll sheet
* Contract/work agreement
* Job description
* Home of record information include emergency notification
names, addresses and phone numbers
_________________________________________________________
About the Author:
Frances Anne Hernan is a former Nanny of 10 years. Her
writing experience includes copy writing, grant writing,
speech writing, developing workshops, editing and
contributing to newsletters and designing brochures for
organizations and political candidates. White it may not
seem glamorous to the aspiring novelist, this experience
gave Frances the credibility to create this handbook.
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ASK THE EXPERTS: Q & A
Q: How would you suggest disciplining a 2 year old?
A: I have found that many people confuse the concept of discipline
with punishment. So, before I begin to respond to your question,
I would like to discuss how discipline differs from punishment.
Discipline is often thought of as a way to get children to obey.
I prefer to think of discipline as "behavior guidance."
Behavior guidance is an on-going process that teaches a child
to develop the skills of self-control, independence, and
responsibility while fostering the child's own self-esteem.
Punishment, on the other hand, is usually performed out of anger
or frustration and a poor understanding of child development.
When an adult punishes a child, the adult may feel better, but
the child's self-esteem erodes. Instead of learning self-control,
independence, or responsibility, the child learns to build mistrust
and other negative feelings toward the adult.
With that said, I would focus on doing the following:
1. Become very familiar with the developmental stages of
the typical two-year-old. This will help you develop appropriate,
consistent expectations for the child. There are lots of great
child development books and checklists available, today. AND,
everyone seems to have his or her own favorite. Just look for
one that is visually appealing and organized in a way that makes
sense to you. Keep it with you and refer to it when you need
reassurance.
2. Remember that discipline guidance is a process of learning
by doing. It does not happen over night. In fact, humans continue
to develop self-control and independence throughout their entire lives.
Since children learn by doing, it doesn't work to simply tell a child
how to behave. He must be shown through example. Then he must be
given opportunities to practice the newly learned behavior. Be sure
to offer encouragement by praising his efforts. (Don't hold your
praise for perfection-humans aren't perfect. Praise even the small
steps toward the end result.)
3. Anticipate the child's needs. I believe children "misbehave"
when they aren't getting their needs met. (Are adults much different
in this respect?). Have you studied Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of
Needs? If so, you remember that Maslow believed people are internally
motivated by five basic needs. They must first have their physical
needs met, then feel safe and secure, then feel a sense of belonging
and affection, then develop a positive self-esteem all before they
can use their talents and abilities to become independent (self-actualized.)
So, when a child acts out, one must determine which need is not being met.
For example a two-year old:
§ Is not having his physical needs met if he feels hungry or
tired, has a soiled diaper or otherwise dirty body, or has to go
potty and is forced to wait.
§ Will not feel secure if he is expected to do things that
he is developmentally unable to do. He will feel stress if he is
frightened. He will not feel safe if he is being abused or
witnessing abuse.
§ Will not feel a sense of belonging and affection if he
isn't held, hugged, kissed, told he is loved, and given appropriate
responsibilities.
§ Will not develop a sense of positive self-esteem if he
does not experience success.
§ Will not become self-actualized if others constantly do
things for him that he can do for himself.
4. Set up the child's environment so he has no choice but to be
safe, stimulated, and successful. This is an area people tend
to over look. Maybe because it takes some time and thought.
Trust me, the time you spend with this really pays off for both
you and the child. You will be avoiding so many problems.
For example:
§ When you childproof the house, not only do you provide
a safer environment, you immediately eliminate many things
that could tempt you to develop unreasonable expectations.
(You no longer have to expect the child to refrain from exploring
that interesting electrical outlet. Swatting at little fingers
that are just about to grab the crystal vase from the coffee
table will be a thing of the past. Etc.)
§ Obviously, a stimulated child is not a bored child.
A typical bored two-year-old will find a way to let you know
he is bored. (You won't like it.) It is much more fun to engage
a child in stimulating activities.
§ When a child feels successful, he does not act out.
(You will like this.)
5. Avoid spanking and other non-supportive actions.
When the child is spanked, he learns that violence is ok.
I will strongly argue this point with anyone. If you believe
in spanking, or you simply haven't decided whether spanking is
effective or appropriate, please read the book, Ghosts from the
Nursery. I firmly believe that anyone who reads this book and
still believes in spanking should not be a nanny.
Many people make the common mistake of telling a child he is bad,
when what they really mean is that they do not approve of the
child's actions. Never EVER tell the child he is a "bad boy".
When he hears this often enough, he will fulfill the description.
6. Cherish your little one and realize how very privileged
you are to be sharing his/her world.
If you follow the above suggestions, you will be taking a
supportive, mature, professional, and pro-active approach to
behavior guidance. Good luck and ENJOY !!!
Sandra Van Horn
Child Development and Education
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ASK THE EXPERTS: Q & A
Q: We recently had a "bad" experience with our old nanny.
Went away for vacation, came back to her packed up.
Lately we have received several calls from families asking us to
provide a reference for her. She is saying there was a contract
dispute. There was no contract dispute.
As a result of her irresponsible behavior, we feel we cannot
provide a reference, also that the families interviewing her
should know exactly what she had done. We are concerned about
her suing if we offer the truth, but wish to protect these
families. How do we do this?
A: We consulted an attorney on this question. The following is her
reply.
"There are two schools of thought and no clear answers on references.
You can be sued for defamation/slander for a response to a request for a
reference, but TRUTH is an absolute defense to any such action. The
second school of thought is that if the employee is dangerous, for
example, and you fail to warn a future employer, you can have some
liability in that way. This is most likely to apply in a child
molestation or violent employee situation, and to my knowledge, no
employer has ever been sued for this.
Because this is such a quagmire, we usually advise employers to only
confirm dates of employment, job title, and with a release from the
employee, wage rate. A nanny job is somewhat different. Someone else
is asking whether it is safe to leave his or her child with the
applicant. My experience is that people either were honest or said
enough to let you know that something was wrong.
My advice to these parents would be to say that there was no contract
dispute and that the nanny left without giving notice, both of which are
true. I wouldn't say anything more than that. I'd refuse to answer
any other questions. If a prospective employer is listening at all,
they'll get the message."
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T-SHIRTS FOR THE NANNY AND KIDS IN YOUR LIFE!
Check out our adorable T's for the Kids too
***Nanny T's are now available in Navy.
I had to share this great note we received from a mom who
purchased one of our shirts for her nanny. It says it all!
"Got the shirt today. Love it! Thanks for your promptness.
But most of all, thanks for a truly unique gift that I
can give to one of the most important people in my child's
life (and mine!)!!!!!"- Deborah, Nanny employer
http://www.4nanny.com/products.htm
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MUST SEE SITES
Looking for fun places to go with children in the Chicagoland
area? Check out Fun Places To Go With Kids for a free insider's
guide to planning fun-filled daytrips with children that
includes descriptions of attractions, hours, costs, how to
prepare, and what we liked about these places. At
http://www.FunPlacesToGoWithKids.com you'll find places like
museums, theme parks, entertainment centers, sports, seasonal,
restaurants, animal attractions, and outdoor activities.
Find the information you need to plan a wonderful day with your kids.
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I hope you have enjoyed this month's issue of Nanny Net News.
Happy St. Patrick's Day to all my fellow Irishmen.
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Copyright - 1999-2001 Parents With Nannies, Inc.
(www.4EverythingNanny.com)
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